Trying to Stay Focused

Testing my patience
Realizing that life isn't what you thought it was
Yearning to find some kind of completeness
Intense periods of insanity
Needing time to think
Gasping for air
To tired to sleep
Over and over
Sick and dying
Time to move on
Always waiting for the right moment to speak
Yesterday's dream is tonight's nightmare
Feeling alone
Out of touch
Confused
Unimportant
Searching for the answer to life's riddle
Everyone seems to be happier than me
Damned to a life of constant emotional struggle

The Media & Politics

I just saw a video on CNN.com where Obama is questioned on his sudden nomination of Hilary Clinton as his Sec. of State... and the reporter pointed out that during the campaign Obama did nothing but belittle and ridicule her foreign policy as being faulty and a joke. Now he's "going back on his earlier statements" by saying she is the most qualified for that role.

Now... am I the only one in the country who understands... if Obama did nothing but praise her foreign policy and her standards and her methods... would he be President!? Was he supposed to say, "Well we're both qualified... but I want it more!" and not try to make his platform sound better?

Leave him alone and let him do the job we elected him to do.

The video:
http://www.cnn.com/2008/POLITICS/12/01/campbell.brown.clinton/index.html

Go All the Way (Into the Twilight)

I've never really given into "the crowd" when it comes to books and movies and such... My tastes are eclectic and usually odd compared to the rest of the world. So when I was sitting in the theatre to see Twilight, surrounded by annoying teenage girls here only because of some hottie I was very skeptical about what was about to take place.

Needless to say I was pleasantly surprised. Despite the expected squeal from the girls when Edward arrives on screen for the first time -- the movie was great. And just what I needed... It was a romance. And not a cheesy Harlequin Novel... the story was worthy of Austin or Brontë.

If you've been living under a rock for the past few months -- here's the deal. Edward Cullen is a several hundred year old Vampire living in the mountains of WA with his "family". A pack of vegetarian vampires (meaning they don't feed on humans -- just wild animals). They attend the local high school, but are very quiet and keep to themselves. That is until Bella moves into town. She's the first new kid since the Cullens, so naturally the small school notices her. As does Edward. Partnered up in Science Class Edward appears to become nauseous around her -- and so avoids her at all costs. They are both drawn to eachother however, and soon Edward is leaping infront of an out of control car about to smash Bella into a bleeding pulp. She is saved... and Edward is exposed. He tells her that he can't controll himself around her, that she is the first human he has craved in a long time... he wants her blood. And... just like I would -- Bella is suddenly drawn to Edward so strongly that she riskes her life to be with him.

Of course the story has to have action -- and during a baseball game (naturally) with the Cullen family Bella is suddenly confronted by a pack of Vampires (the non pussy kind). One of whom, Jacob -- suddenly becomes obsessed with destroying Bella, if for nothing else then sport.

Car chases and Fights later Jacob is dead and Edward had to risk tasting Bella's blood to save her. End the story with Prom and you've got the perfect blend of Jane Austin and Stephanie Meyers.

My life needed a romance. A boy who would risk everything he was to be with a girl. There will always be a part of me who wants a Knight in Shinning Armor and falls into a puddle at the thought meeting him. Do they make men like that anymore? I doubt it... but it's always possible. Meanwhile... I'll be stalking vampires for a while.

Steam

Life is a funny circle.  My life is anyway.  I go to work, and sleep.  I have no personal life -- nor do I really have time for one.  Which really sucks.  The last time I got to see my best friend I had to leave after a show, drive 3 hours and spent the 5 hours I was there sleeping... because it was the middle of the night and I had to leave by 6AM!!

I'm trying hard to be happy by myself... I was told that I was being selfish for wanting to be happy with someone.  What's the point of having someone if they aren't supposed to make you happy... if we were supposed to be happy alone we wouldn't have this great desire to have a companion.  

ARG!!

I need a life.  I need a friend.  I need everything right now.

I'm having mini panic attacks at almost regular intervals these days.  I don't know how much more I can take before I completely shut down.  The only thing keeping me out of bed these days is the desire to not get fired.  

All I Wanna Do...

I've fallen in love with the "New" movie Music and Lyrics starring Hugh Grant and Drew Barrymore.  It's a cute movie about a has-been Pop artist writting a new song for his comeback, and falling in love with his lyricist.  This is the song they come up with:


[Verse 1]
(Drew Barrymore)
I've been living with a shadow overhead,
I've been sleeping with a cloud above my bed,
I've been lonely for so long,
Trapped in the past,
I just can't seem to move on!

(Hugh Grant)
I've been hiding all my hopes and dreams away,
Just in case I ever need them again someday,
I've been setting aside time,
To clear a little space in the corners of my mind!

[Chorus]
(Both)
All I want to do is find a way back into love.
I can't make it true without a way back into love.
Oooooh.

[Verse 2]
(Drew Barrymore)
I've been watching but the stars refuse to shine,
I've been searching but i just don't see the signs,
I know that it's out there,
There's got to be something for my soul somewhere!

(Hugh Grant)
I've been looking for someone to shed some light,
Not somebody just to get me through the night,
I could use some direction,
And I'm open to your suggestions.

[Chorus]
(Both)
All I want to do is find a way back into love.
I can't make it through without a way back into love.
And if I open my heart again,
I guess I'm hoping you'll be there for me in the end!
Oooooooh, Ooooooh, Ooooooh.

[Middle-eight]
(Drew Barrymore)
There are moments when I don't know if it's real
Or if anybody feels the way I feel
I need inspiration
Not just another negotiation

[Chorus]
(Both)
All I want to do is find a way back into love,
I can't make it through without a way back into love,
And if I open my heart to you,
I'm hoping you'll show me what to do,
And if you help me to start again,
You know that I'll be there for you in the end!