Trust and Faith

I'm trying to stay positive. It feels like the end of the dark tunnel is in sight, but then it disappears back into the distance.

I have the opportunity to really take a new direction in my life. But my past mistakes are still haunting me. I care so much about people. I'm a fiercely loyal person, and it crushes me to be the recipient of ill treatment.

I'm not the best judge of relationships. Both of my serious relationships ended in seeming disaster. I tried so hard to keep them happy. But with things going so wrong for my family over the past few months, I couldn't keep everything together. Between the family stress and the money stress I snapped. I came home in tears on too many occasions I guess. He didn't want to babysit or hear my troubles. Was okay with the happiness associated with being in a relationship, but the minute things got to hard or real for him he took off. Needed to go in a different direction. It hurts. I really needed him. He was the one thing I could count on to make me smile and forget about my problems. I put too much faith into him -- because I am such a deeply caring person i assumed he was in it for the long run. Not until it was no longer convenient. I wish I could be sure, but he's not speaking to me anymore.

I don't want to be babied or taken care of. I can be independent. I've been taking care of myself. It's the emotional roller coaster I can't handle anymore. Do I open myself up again, only to be shot down again? I feel like I'm just too much for anyone to handle. I try so hard to be more stoic about things. Is that what men want? I don't want to be a cold frigid bitch. But I guess that's better than a caring, loyal, loving woman.

Who knows. But I can't keep going through this. I don't deserve it. And he knew that. he told me that. So if he knew that, knew so much about me, knew my history... why would he willingly do it?

As Time Goes By

In just a few short weeks I will be relocating to the DC Metro Area and I am so excited! For over ten years now I've been serving what felt like a prison sentence in North Carolina and finally been granted a parole for good behavior.

On January 21st, the day before I turn 25, I begin my new job as the Production Stage Manager at Adventure Theatre for their Winter Conservatory Production of Alice In Wonderland Jr. My first professional contract outside of Temple Theatre.

Growing up in Montgomery County, MD meant that I am already familiar with Glen Echo Park and the Adventure Theatre. My mother brought Emily and me there all the time to ride the Carousel, or to see an afternoon performance at the theatre.


The park itself is exactly as I remembered it. The carousel has been closed for the winter, but peeking inside I see familiar faces covered already in dust, waiting for Spring to arrive so they can run again. The Bumper Car Pavilion looks ready for action, and even the Crystal Pool is there like a silent reminder of summers filled with laughing kids.

I played in this park just like my Dad did before me. And his mother before him. Glen Echo has been a friend to us for so long. I can't wait to get to work!